Because I Loved Her
by HexxKitten
Summary: An old wizard recalls his life in a final heartbreaking journal entry MCD, NoSex, Oneshot, Violence


**WARNING **This is not a warm and fuzzy story, there is no happy ending, well actually I lie, there is a bittersweet tearjerker ending... get your tissues ready cos if you are a sap like me, you will need em!

~*~ Hexx ~*~

b**Because I Loved Her…**

**Chapter One**/b

I saw her again today…

Of course I know dear journal that it was not truly her. For it could never be truly her. I know this to be fact for you see I killed her…

For many years now I have been awaiting my death, and it has been a long time coming. I am now close to one hundred and eighty years and by far, too many of those years have been spent lonely but rarely alone.

I have my son and his wife here living at the Manor which he will one day soon inherit. Around them they have a rather vulgarly large family, but that is what comes from marrying a Weasley one supposes. Although I should not complain for I adore my grandchildren.

But I know my end to be near for she has returned to me, the one and only woman I loved with my entire heart and soul. The woman I killed.

She was a mere child when I first met her, roughly the same age as my son. I was married at the time to his mother Narcissa. But then the second wizarding war tore the wizarding world apart and almost brought me to ruin and death.

I spent time in Azkaban for the time spent supporting a fool and a tyrant. Soon I would learn the error in those loyalties and I turned away and began a life of espionage. Aiding the light to defeat the darkness that was Lord Voldemort and thereby setting the magical community free of the fear and hatred he had wrought.

It lost me my wife, for she would not turn from the Dark Lord and was finally sentenced to the kiss along with her sister. Many thought Bellatrix to be insane and in truth her sister was no better. After I had refused to let my underage son be given over into the service of Voldemort, Narcissa had conspired with her sister to have our only child take the Dark Mark without my knowledge.

That a mother would treat her son in such a way was abhorrent to me and when offered the dissolution of our marriage vows by the Ministry I took them on their word without a second thought.

After the war and newly single, I worked alongside her at the Ministry of Magic. Already she had shown herself to be a brave, warm and giving soul. She was so bright, the smartest person I had the honour to know and one day she consented to be mine.

Oh what a day that was.

After many months of getting to know one another she had finally agreed to a date. A few months later I had sought her hand in marriage and she had consented.

I killed her because I loved her…

Of course we were caught up in a whirlwind of planning and preparations. It all went so fast and yet not fast enough. I could barely wait to have her as my wife, to be by my side until the end of time.

But that was not to be. For the fates conspired against us. My angel was to be taken from me most cruelly.

The day of our marriage was bright and beautiful, and my bride bore a glow akin to the queen of faeries. My joy knew no bounds as we took our vows and I was a man happier than any other upon the planet.

They arrived however in the midst of the joyous occasion. The remaining free Death Eaters, they had so far evaded capture and blamed me for the downfall of their Lord and Master.

After a fierce fight I was held at wand point as they held my bride. I thought they were there to kill me, and that my time on this earth was over. But no, they had a fate far worse in mind for me.

I was retrained in place with magic as I watched them strike her down, not quickly with magic. Oh no, Rabastan LeStrange, being as insane as his wife. He had drawn the cursed blade his wife favoured and had slit my loves sweet throat.

Had he left her then we could have attempted to save her, but he had disaparated with a laugh, joking about my wife's 'filthy blood' and how it marred her wedding gown.

I knew from my wards that she was still on the property, but even using magic it took us so long to locate her as she lay bleeding in the forest on my – no our – estate, that she was gone. Taken from this world and taken from me for eternity and all because I loved her…

After that day I had personally tracked down every single one of them. Sending each slowly and painfully to meet their makers. Leaving him for last, I ensured Rabastan suffered the most, letting him be with his now soulless wife for a short while before slowly dispatching him and leaving her to rot for the remainder of her days in Azkaban.

I had hoped it would make me feel better to watch him die, but seeing him bleed was not as satisfying as I first thought it would be. For she was not returned to me by dispatching him, she was still gone and my own heart still bled for that loss.

I saw her again today…

Her long glossy chestnut hair curling down her back, the wreath of white spring flowers and baby's breath entwined with greenery sitting upon her head like a crown. Her gown glowing white in the early morning light, her beauty marred only by the stain of rich crimson which had dripped down the front.

How many times I have seen her, walking the grounds. But I can never get to her, never speak to her, and never hold her in my arms. By the Gods I want to.

It hurts to see her spectral form in the gardens, but it hurts more when she does not appear. Sometimes she is gone for days, or even weeks, and those times hurt me even more.

Would she be alive today if I had not loved her?

Had I doomed her to this because I loved her?

I saw her again today…

But this time it was different, she came closer to the house and stood outside my study, she stood on the veranda and I saw her eyes for the first time in far too long. Oh how my heart leapt to see her so close.

I can still see her now even, for she is here for me.

This is how I know it is my time to leave this earth, for she has come to me.

She is holding her hand out to me, reaching to me and I should go now. For my lovely Hermione has returned for me.

She has come for me because she loves me…

The End


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